Aku & Sukan

Today i went jogging. I took 35+minutes to complete 6km, around 6min/km which is very slow & weak!! 1 more km i am a dead man haha...pancit gler..ye la after almost 3 years of no jog. So to say lah to comfort myself haha. But back then i could run 1.6km in only 3minutes! Now I'm getting older & became unfit. How can i run for Dyen Pabedi Marathon soon. *sigh* I cannot lose to anybody, at least to Malaysians, i'am an OP ! Hahha. We run all the time in camp's life haha..

Hi..actually there is something i've been longing to say.. about SPORT

Soon there will be Intervarsity Games for Malaysian Students in Russia. And this feeling strucks me. Everytime the event comes. I hate it. Really hate it and i even googled abt it. Feeling of USELESSNESS & NOTHINGNESS. Im not the only one tho but all the answers in google werent motivating at all instead, degrading. Idk why this kind of feeling exists. But maybe im too disappointed with myself. I played sport since primary 6 and tried many games;

+football. i played with neighboors on daily basis till form 2 (2005-07), my house was only 20 seconds walking to the padang bola. Still kaki bangku till now

+pingpong. I trained with my friends every weeks for months, and even represented my rumah sukan in tournament in 2008. Kalah for sure.

+Taekwondo. I participated in taekwondo tournament. We trained hard 3x oer week..at night somemore. I was a shine during training but when it come to the sparring day, i was a disappointment. I still remembet the face of my voavh that day

+hockey. I played with few friends (twin friends) and they taught me too and they were captain for their team ( peringkat daerah). They taught me many time how to dribble, etc but i seems cannot. In rmc, i joined hockey team training.

+basketball. I play this game almost everyday in rmc but still far from good.

+Boxing. I joined twice. This was long story tho but nice experience

+takraw. I attended all weekend trainings and represented vsmu for takraw. I even practice alone sometimes during weekdays. in Kursk, we managed to won 1 game, but lost 3. Guess what, the game that we won was the game i didnt play at all. HAHA

They are still in my <3 my first sport team

+Handball n fridbee. I attended the weekend training and i loved and committed to it, but aftr 6-7th training, those who come for the 1st time can play much better than me. whattt. haha..i was demotivated to the lowest ground..to marianna trench deep haha

+in RMC, you must go for jog or sport from 4.30-6.30pm...see i played sports...i dedicated a lot of my time for sports.

But still..

a. failure.

I tried everything..i trained but i notice theres NO improvement at all. I feel so stupid on field. Macam badut. Macam orang bodoh. Im not helpful, my presence is nothing to team. I got blurred when i get the ball. Im just bad at sports. Very bad. Worse, im the black sheep in my team when it comes to sport. Im the reason for the defeats. It makes me feel guilty all the time

All the athletes got my jealousy. Im jealous to those who can play sport. Somehow i hatee them huhuhu.. Why i am telling this..

Now some people even asked me uba tak pergi ke Moscow Games, but when i say no their (so far 3 person) reply was, then siapa nak ambil gambar kitorang?
This brings back to the feeling after Kursk Games 2015, 2 weeks after the game, a senior posted in fb and tagged me in a post saying tazzabar (yes its spelled this way) nak tunggu uba upload gambar. In other word- uba cepatlah upload gambar! I was busy that time, final pre-clinical year, the most busy year for med students. Which led to a concern from a friend of mine;

I know u love photography but u hv to know la, spend time to take pics of stuffs that u prefer more

Coz u knw there r ppl who take u as camera n rmbr u only whn they need u to take their pics

Just like what happened to u during the Kursk trip. So I just wanna tell u that sometimes u shall consider ur own privilege and hobby as ur priority first

But I just dun wan to see u being taken advantage by others

That was just two story, and i can tell few others to relate but thats it la kot.

Just when i thought i was part of them, can contribute & be useful, was the day i was 'told' that i was being used

irony